The hard life of a short man.

     It was a cold dark night and Desmond was walking home. This wouldn't be too difficult for a normal person but it was for Desmond. The reason why this was so hard is because Desmond just happened to be a midget.  You would think this small man would be used to his lack of height but he wasn't because Desmond hadn't always been a midget. It had occurred just the previous day. This is how it happened:

     It was a fairly warm day and Desmond was laying on the beach. He measured six foot four inches and was very happy with his height. As he laid on the beach he felt the sun soaking into his skin and slowly but surely fell asleep. He dreamt of being short and it was horrible. He woke up shaking, partly from the dream and partly from the fact that he had slept till night and it was now freezing. He got up grumpily and started his long walk home. While walking home he came across a homeless midget asking him for money. With his terrible temper he yelled at the midget and told him "I would never give money to an imbecile as short as you!!!" The midget started chanting something indistinguishable under his breath and Desmond walked off back to his house feeling exhausted even after his 4 hour nap. He got home and went to sleep but it was restless full of that midgets face staring at him and then laughing.

    Desmond woke up the next morning feeling much different. Then he looked down and screamed..... HE WAS A MIDGET!!! That stupid midget he insulted must have been related to Gandalf because he was a midget. The moral of this story is don't insult midgets especially when they are related to Gandalf. You will get MESSED UP!!

How to make people look funny in photoshop

Have you ever wanted to make someone look really strange in photoshop?  Well is you have then you have come to the correct blog post.  You can change their eyes or make their face sag and even give them unwanted facial hair. You can take normal boring photos and make the purely "beautiful". Read below and become enlightened. You can adjust the tiniest things and make a small difference or you can go all out like me and just totally screw up the face.

Step 1: Find a decent photo like this one. ⇓

Step 2: Go into photoshop and use select the eye's. Then go and change the Hue/Saturation to what ever color you desire. I chose red and blue. ⇓

Step 3: Use the Spot Healing Brush Tool and cover up the mouth. With the mouth covered you will get something like this. ⇓

Step 4: On google images look up Voldemort and find a good picture of him. Transfer that photo into photoshop and copy his mouth. Auto Color the layer so it fits and then You will have something like this. ⇓

Step 5: Copy the ears and enlarge them to fit the head. ⇓

Step 6: With the Healing Brush tool add a unibrow. ⇓

You can do sooooo much with photoshop just make sure to NOT  use it wisely.

A fairly innocent story

I woke up with a start to the sound of pounding on my door. I quickly pull on some clothes and go to the door. There is an old woman there, she looks nice and harmless but I wonder why she is at my doorstep in the middle of the night. I ask her why she is here and she tells me she is selling cookies for a cheap price. I say "No thanks but maybe another time." She walks away after that.

The next day I am at my friends house and we hear a scratching on his door, he thinks it must be his dog and he asks me to check. I go to the door and open it to see the old lady standing there staring at me and smiling. I immediately shut the door and run upstairs to my my friends room telling him what just happened.  He tells me I shouldn't worry and that it was probably a coincidence but I still have a seed of worry in my mind. I stay at his house till it gets dark and then start the long walk home back to my house. As I am walking I notice that the street around me is deserted except for an odd looking person in front of me. I look down at my feet just trying to thing happy thoughts when I here some scuffling ahead of me and look up. The  person in front of me has fallen over and is laying still so I rush up to them hoping that they are okay. When I reach them I ask them if they are okay and they look up at me. It is the old lady I saw from before and she is still smiling in a creepy sort of way. Next she asks "Are you my mommy?" I start to back up as the lady stands up. She walks toward me looking like he limbs are attached to some invisible puppet masters tool. Then she lunges at me and I feel her pass through me and then I crumple to the ground. 

I wake up lying on the street and I have no control of any of my body. I can only watch what is happening. I feel my self walking toward my friends house and I know what this being is going to do next and I am powerless to stop it. It's an endless cycle, It will get my friend and I will not be able to stop it it will go on forever consuming the souls of its victims and leaving them trapped inside an endless hell. All you can do is watch and hope and wait and hope it doesn't get you.....

Photo-Shopped Animals

Here are some of the best photoshop jobs

I love photoshop, It expands my creativity and lets me be a quirky guy. And i will admit it I am a VERY weird intellectual. When you think of photoshop you may think of fake models or perfect pictures, but when I think of photoshop I think of all the "amazing" things I can do to people. I can make them have red eyes or be on a different body, I can literally do anything in photoshop. Here are some pictures that other people made in photoshop and that I made in photoshop (you will be able to tell which ones I made.)

I made this one just for you Elkin.... Hope you like it. I also made the one above, both of these are quite easy to make. Al you need is photoshop and just a little creativity. When you put some effort into something you get something beautiful. just like the image above. Shrek Pope is truly a beautiful creation and it will live on the internet forever. Your welcome Elkin.